I don’t know what’s wrong with me. But for the past week or so, I have been experiencing mental and emotional fog. And saying I am in a funk would be an understatement. I have been getting very little sleep due to my work schedule, so I know part of the dip in ability to focus and be present is because of trying to survive off a couple mini naps per day rather than a full, restful nights’ sleep. Which would also explain my irritability.
Crying over spilled milk (and I hate milk, so I shouldn’t care if it spills…) A side effect of this fog is my emotional state is at an all-time high. I woke up yesterday in tears (wet pillowcase and all). This was an unnerving feeling for me because I do not know the cause. If it were caused by a dream, then I have no recollection of that dream. I should’ve woken up with excitement and eagerness to tackle the day as it was the first full nights’ rest, I had gotten in more than eight days and it was even spent in my own, cozy bed. And waking up with those tears, set the tone for the terrible day. A day that continued to downward spiral as the hours ticked away.
The mental fog is also very real. This is challenging my patience and causing frustration because for me, I pride myself on my intelligence and ability to do all things with attention to detail and completeness. Yes, I’m “type A” to the extreme but this fog is causing that to slip. I have made mistakes on routine tasks, haven’t been able to be productive at home and find myself second guessing things I could normally do with my eyes closed. My to-do list only continues to be growing.
I value all the relationships in my life. I am not one to dump my problems on others. I’m a private person and usually find a way to deal with life as it comes without any major fall-out or worse. But this fog is also causing me to react poorly to minor situations and pushing my negative, sad energy out onto loved ones. I’ve reached out and leaned on family and friends these past few days way more than I probably should have, but I was/am scared. I have never experienced anything like this. It’s such a self-isolating feeling. I am so grateful for the love, support and understanding everyone is showing me as I work through the fog and hope to find clear days soon.
Is all of this because of stress? Afterall, stress can do crazy, crazy things to the mind and body. Or is this just a down period in my life? Nothing has changed for that to be the justification, but maybe things are shifting that I can’t see but still able to be felt. Whatever may be happening, I sure hope it passes soon and the fog lifts. I hate the feeling of not being able to control my emotions, my reactions, or my overall well-being. And the last thing I ever want to do is damage the relationships that I treasure.
My crazy schedule will not be changing anytime soon so until my life can return to normal, I’m committed to finding coping mechanisms. I will do my best to keep my head held high and allow only positive thoughts to occupy space in my mind. I will take more walks outside, spend more quality time with my dog, log additional minutes of cardio (I’ll sweat this damn fog out of me if I must), and make more frequent calls and texts to those I love and aim to get more and better sleep. Thank you for listening and thank you to those that have shown me such great empathy. I ask that everyone continue to be patient with me until I can return to me.
Real Life Talk 