I’ve always worn a badge of honor when it comes to my emotions. Under no circumstances would I allow anyone to see me cry. Angry or frustrated, yes, but never sad. My tears were always saved for the shower. I’ve always been this way and maybe because I was raised in a household where feelings were repressed. Expressing emotions always lead to drama and high tensions so it was easier to just pin on my badge of honor and pretend nothing was wrong or get angry. All the while this was only allowing the emotions to build and fester, but of course in the moment I had no idea it was occurring or the damage it was causing.
It wasn’t until my environment started shifting, did I realize that feelings are ok to be felt and shown. In fact, they are meant to be. Feeling feelings is the only way to transmute them to heal, move on, grow, and learn. Afterall, we’re humans and these feelings are apart of us. Peace and happiness are what we all desire and using the numbing effect on your emotions will not bring you either of these. Honestly, it only prolongs the pain and takes you further from your desired end state.
I make a conscious effort to only surround myself with friends and family that love and support me regardless of my emotional state. I want to know that I have people in my life that share my joys and success as much as they are willing to pour me a glass of wine and share in my sorrows. From this shift in mindset and willingness to allow those closest to me see me feeling my feelings, I have created the most beautiful, ever-lasting circle of love. Don’t get me wrong, I still have days where crying in the shower is the best option, but I also no longer hesitate to drop my badge of honor and show emotions and seek support when I need it most.
A very close friend once told me, “tears are ok because you are watering your soul.” And to this day, his words have stayed with me. Now when things happen, rather than allow myself to go cry alone, I reach out for support and show my emotions regardless of how they are perceived. It has taken me decades to learn this is ok; ok to be a woman who can express herself without shame or guilt. Women are often labeled as “too emotional.” Please don’t allow these stereotype labels to change the way in which you show emotion or your willingness to do so. It is not a sign of weakness. Instead, view it as the true you finally evolving enough to express yourself as is; your true self – feelings included!
I am proud of myself for being brave enough to do this. There is no one or nothing that comes into my life or exits my life that will cause me to revert to my old ways. Peace and happiness are my deepest desires and that is what I shall have.