Speechless – Not an adjective frequently used to describe me. I’m the girl with a lot on her mind and always have a lot to say. But recently not so much. Is it because I’ve reached the balanced state, I’ve so long desired? Because for the most part, lately I am content with everything life has given and taken from me. Or is it that I’m being selective about the people and events in my life? Because I’ve developed enough self-love to say “no – thanks” when they/it do not serve my well-being. Or maybe, I’ve reached a point where I just don’t care anymore? Because I don’t. Truth is, it’s a mixture of all the above. So, it’s not that I’m speechless, quiet or have nothing to say. It’s that it doesn’t matter enough to waste my energy on. I can’t give energy to that which I won’t receive.
I’m an observer. So, while I may appear to be the quiet girl, I can promise that is far from the reality of it. There is always an abundance of activity going on in my mind. That is one thing I can guarantee. Afterall, that’s the reason I started this blog. The change is that those thoughts no longer run the show. I’ve made the mental shift into “I don’t care mode.” I no longer care enough about what’s going on around me to involve myself. It’s safe to say, I’ve given up the struggle. I’ve waved the white flag. I can’t control it anyways, so why even try? Battle over! Shifting into this mindset has been freeing. And for the most part, it’s lead me to a place of internal peace.
I don’t care enough about outside circumstances to allow them to rock my internal state of balance. None of it matters! If it’s not something or someone that is beneficial to my mind, body, or bank account then I’m not going to exert effort of any type into it. I’ve learned to trust myself and create my own happiness.
It’s always been said the results will come when you don’t care anymore. I don’t know if I fully believe that, but I do think there is some truth to it. I didn’t surrender in hopes of obtaining any type of result. But I did get one. Through submission, I gained the realization that not caring creates happiness. Not worrying about what others’ think has made me the most content I’ve ever been with myself. I am confident in the decisions I make. It has brought the most genuine people into my life. I am surrounded by beautiful people who love the real me. I don’t waste energy trying to filter my words or actions and as a result I have more energy to expend cultivating the relationships that matter and dedicating time to the things and people I love. Additionally, not caring has erased the society-imposed standard of normal. I don’t care if I am considered “normal.” Living with the “I don’t care” motto has positively impacted most areas of my life.
Some say living with this approach is selfish, negative, rude, etc. And that’s fine. Who cares? Remember, we are working on not caring what others’ think. And I disagree anyways. No one has any obligation to think or feel any different than how they do. Everyone is entitled to their own thoughts and feelings. One should strive to please only themselves and not worry how they will be perceived or if they will be accepted.
Developing the “I don’t care” attitude brings a feeling of nirvana. You free yourself of the fear of not meeting expectations set by others, you release yourself from decisions you didn’t make, and you remove yourself from social norms. You’re living free!
So, yes, I may appear as the quiet girl in the corner, but everything is not as it seems…
And no, I don’t have anything to say, but my mind is reeling…
I just don’t care anymore, because it doesn’t matter!