The Men among The boys

Do you ever wonder how it would look if you could line them all up and go one-by-one? It would be your chance to have the last say. You could finally say all those words you’ve rehearsed and release all those buried emotions. And for the lessons you’ve learned and the love they gave, say Thank You. While this scenario is very unlikely to happen (but I still think it would be perfect, if it could), I decided to do my own version of the line-up and blog about it. So here it goes…

High School Sweetheart – You were my first love and my first heartbreak. You taught me so much about self-care. I shed my teenage, lack of self-confidence shell because of our time together. Too bad you felt the need to cheat.

College Crush – I wonder where you are and sometimes have regrets of allowing society to prevent us from ever being together. You adored me! My college days were better because of you.

Hometown Love – You always believed in my success and for that I Thank You! But I also Thank you for cheating. It was a pain I thought I’d never recover from, but in time I saw it was meant to happen. Your actions saved me from living a life far from what I desired.

Best Friend – I would not be the independent, successful woman I am today had it not been for all our years together. Deep down, I do believe you saw the real me, but unfortunately were never able to express it. And I needed more than a BFF. From the bottom of my heart, I wish you the best today and always!

“…” Friend – You gave me the greatest gift of my life! You showed me how to love myself. You reflected my biggest fears back to me, stepped back while I rose above, and loved me from afar the entire time. That is a love I’ve never known and one that can never be duplicated or replaced.

Deputy – Forever in my corner and me in yours! You were the biggest surprise of my life. Out of nowhere you appeared, captivated, and changed me. You made my heart whole again. I’ve shed my black feathers because of your love and here I am, a beautiful swan, ready to swim.

The Men above are the Men that are worth a Thank you. I’ve likely never expressed it, but I’ve learned so much from each. But of all the lessons, the most important has been that I am enough. Self-love is a long, bumpy journey and each of these men walked along side me for a while and played a role in paving my way. And to those that didn’t make the line-up, the boys, my silence should say it all. You were merely a pebble stuck in the tread of my shoe for mere minutes as I walked my journey.

Everything is good in the beginning and then it’s not. People change, time marches on and soon that crush who turned boyfriend and then maybe husband comes an ex. Exes are exes for a reason. Sometimes that reason is clear and obvious and other times it takes some digging and pain to find. But, with each one comes with a lesson and happened for a reason. They were meant to play a role in your journey. They came into your life to show you things you desire or things you do not. And you may learn the lesson or see the reason immediately or maybe not for weeks, months, or even years later. But it’s there – I promise.

I have loved and I have learned. Each one of these Men served a purpose, gave me a life lesson, and had a reason for coming into my life at the exact moment they did. Each laid a boulder on my journey. I am here today, absorbing all life has in store for me because of the road I’ve traveled; sometimes alone and sometimes in good company.


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