Never a Goodbye

Nothing is what is seems. You have expectations and you get disappointed. You make plans and get redirected. You ponder every detail. What outfit you’ll wear? What you’ll say? Where you’ll be? You play a scenario over in your mind a hundred times. But, when the time comes, the details don’t matter. It will happen the way it is meant to happen. Expectations are reduced to zero and plans become laughable. Anything is possible!

I struggled. Do I slip in and slip out without ever reaching out? Or do we connect to create beautiful memories before saying goodbye. This was an internal battle I fought for weeks but, in the end, you made it easy on me. We had a deal. And a deal is a deal.

When the moment came, it came fast. I didn’t expect the response “it’s a race.” And coming from you, I knew what that meant, so I rushed to get ready. And within the hour you were there, waiting on me. You won our race by mere minutes.

I entered the room and immediately all expectations and plans became irrelevant. And all the details I decided were forgotten. All that remained was us in the present moment. The scenario was more than I could’ve dreamt. It was a vision of ecstasy.

You heard my heels enter the room and your head was on a swivel. My heart dropped at first sight. That smile. That look. You get me every time. You wrapped me tight in your embrace and the rest of the room faded away. The room was ours for the taking. No one else existed and nothing else mattered. Not the outfit I chose, the conversation we had, or where we were. Our energies collided and we became alive. In that moment, we had one another for the keeping. It was better than I could’ve planned and exceeded all expectations. It was a moment I wanted to hold for the rest of this lifetime and into the next.

The hours ticked away like seconds. We laughed, we shared, and we dreamed. We drifted to a different time and place. A place that didn’t keep time. A place where we were all that existed. A place where I was witness to my greatest desire materializing. But this time was different. Underneath the love was fear. I knew life was changing and the distance was growing. I knew this would be our last here, but I couldn’t imagine it being our last. My thoughts were fueled by fear. I was afraid of being forgotten. I didn’t want a goodbye to come. I contested you leaving. I didn’t want to watch you walk away. I didn’t want our story to conclude with “The End.”

But you know my thoughts before they become my words and you feel my fears before they are expressed. You pulled me close and reflected the love in my eyes. You gave me grace, showed me respect, and wrapped me in comfort and love. You pledged this wasn’t our end. You gave me assurance it’s ok to keep believing.

My body lay numb. The room dark and warm. Awake with my thoughts all night. I was living my dream. I feared our goodbye. But there was no goodbye. And there was no sadness. Instead, it was another night shared, another step in our journey, another page to our story. A story that stands the test of time, knows no distance, and Loves Always.

I’ll see you soon, My … Friend!


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